So much more
by lifez-beautiful
Summary: When the world around you breaks, anybody would fall love if someone like Rick Castle was around. Read to know why... *Alternate Universe*
1. The KISS

**Author's Note:** _Hi everyone ! First of all ,wish you all a very happy and prosperous 2011 ! :)_

_Hmm... so I'm back with another story. It's just my take on the 3X13, awesomely famous kiss ! I know what you all are thinking..." OMG ! not another one!" Hehe... But what can I do? Its just too tempting not to write my thoughts about it, especially when I'm totally with original Rick Castle's (NF's) idea that it would be too soon for CB to be officially together._

_Oooh...please don't hate me for thinking that ! I just don't seem to get enough of their hilarious verbal foreplay,that's all ! :D I certainly want them to be together but just not so soon._

Well,This is a 3 part FF and as-usual ,' Happy reading !'

**Beta reader **:_ B_eckett-NYPD _._

_A huge thanks to you dear for beta reading this piece for me during this busy holiday season. I truly appreciate the efforts. Thanks again._

_**Genre**_: angst/hurt-comfort/subtle romance

**Disclaimer **: I don't own Castle. All the recognizable characters belong to their respective producers.

**Spoiler alert **: 3X13

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Beckett got up as usual from her bed. There was nothing wrong about that. But what was different was that she was wearing her office dress complete with her shirt and trousers with just the jacket and her shoes missing and her hair was in multiple tangles. She had a terrible headache and was wondering what had happened the night before to be in such a terrible state the following morning. Then slowly the previous night's horror came back to her aching head.

The day was tense in every sense of the word. She had found her mother's murderer; some top ranking Govt official had her mom killed as she and her associates had found out about his illegal connections and political scams. In fact he had been a good friend of their family, especially her mom's. After her mom had found out the truth about his corruption by chance during one of her assignments, she had asked him to confess to the concerned authority by himself but he had refused and so she had threatened to expose him. And therefore he got her killed before she could take any action against him. And now there he was literally begging Kate to forgive him; he was ashamed of his doing at least that's what it seemed outwardly to everyone present there.

'But all that betrayal, lies and wait…what was that repentance? Did he just think that after murdering my mother in cold blood he would get my forgiveness? Sometimes people or let's say Life itself is more ridiculous…' she thought and almost felt like making an even more sarcastic remark at that.

But Kate had had enough, she couldn't take it anymore; she no longer could maintain her façade of a thorough professional, after all she is human too and every human needs to break down and let his/her emotions overcome themselves once in a while to remain sane in this brutal world… so she abruptly left the room after handcuffing the accused, leaving Esposito and Ryan to take over.

She ran far away into the cold deserted streets of NYC at 2 AM not caring to look if anyone was following her or not. She stood there shaking violently shouting at God as to why God did this to her.

Castle had followed her out but was standing at a safe distance knowing that she needed a moment alone. After which he considered a decent enough time to venture near, he gently came near her and placed a soothing hand on her shoulder.

She instantly knew that touch and was just wishing it away; she needed to be alone now…she wished he had that much sense. She was angry…angry at every single being in this world at that moment.

But he persisted, 'that persistent egotistical man', she thought. He gently called her name,"Kate?"

She didn't turn, she didn't want to see anyone at the moment, not in this state...in such a broken down vulnerable state…never.

But he gently turned her towards him and after some initial resistance, she turned. She didn't look at him but her whole body was trembling in anger and all the other over-powering emotions. But he held her close and she couldn't bear it anymore and pulled at his coat and started to shout at him asking him why this happened to her saying that she trusted that bloody man who didn't even bat an eyelid before ordering to kill her mom. She was shaking him violently and he stood there with sad…sorry eyes.

He didn't know what to say rather than to feel sorry for being part of the cruel world, which had taken a mother from her yearning daughter.

She looked into his deep blue eyes and asked, "Why me? Why me, Castle? Why me?" she asked him with tears streaming down her eyes and then collapsed into his chest where he held her securely. He held her through her endless sobs saying soothing words into her hair and stroking it gently.

That is when she suddenly realized what was happening…she was sobbing in Richard Castle's arms! This shouldn't be happening, thinking so she suddenly moved away from his grasp and left him bewildered for a second.

Her eyes were blood-shot and her face tear stained, and she looked at him with a look of shame. That is when he realized that she was ashamed of letting him see her in this state and was going to run away from him now. But he couldn't let that happen, let her suffer this horrible thing alone.

So he spoke," Kate… it's ok, it's only me… you needn't be afraid of letting me into your moment of grief. I will be always there for you Kate. Please don't distance yourself from me and everyone who loves you… please" saying so, he tried to hold her arm, but she moved away.

Regaining her professional façade, which was a bit too bitter at the moment, she told him that she was sorry to have broken down and also stained his coat and even went to the extent of offering to dry clean it for him.

That did it for him, an offering to dry clean his coat? That was just totally mean and just hurt to think that she just thought of him like a total outsider. He couldn't bear it anymore, he couldn't allow her to suffer alone and he did the only thing he could think of that moment to prove his point that he cared for her. He just pulled her swiftly to him and kissed her.

The kiss was chaste and was plain soothing, and she was at first too dazed to realize what was happening but it felt so comforting that she didn't feel like pushing him away and she gently opened her mouth to the kiss. They kissed for few minutes, which was full of an unexplained emotion but certainly not passion...it meant so much more than that… She needed the comfort and he was willingly providing it. That was all to it…at least for the moment.

Then he moved away gently and looked straight into her eyes and spoke," Kate, I will be always there for you" she looked at him with the teary eyes still not ready to completely trust anyone again so soon. He continued," Now come on, let me take you home. You can go to the precinct tomorrow, but now you need to rest. And yes, no arguments!" he said with mock strictness trying his best to lighten this tense moment. She just looked at him with still vacant eyes like her thoughts were miles away, which might be back in time…somewhere in her teens…happy, he thought hopefully.

He gently placed a kiss on her forehead and placing a hand on the small of her back, he motioned her to walk. They didn't go back into the crowd, instead he hired them a taxi and they left with her head comfortably lying on his chest still completely lost, tears still falling every now and then and his arms wound around her almost possessively, feeling an irrepressible need to protect her from all the bad and evil things in this world.

They reached her apartment and he waited near the door for her to take out her keys. Once she had them, he took them from her now cold hands and opened the door. They entered and he motioned her to sit on the couch while he went into her kitchen to get her something to drink.

At first he thought alcohol would help. But then he decided against it thinking that she will be already having a terrible headache the next day owing to all the crying so he thought hot chocolate would be better. And thankfully she had that in her cupboard. He fished it out and put some marshmallows in as well and brought it steaming hot cup to her; who by now was staring intently at the closed door with the glassy vacant eyes that she had before. He couldn't bear the pain in them, and he wished he could somehow take away all that from her, he wished he had some strange magic powers, anything…anything at all to stop those tears from falling. He could only sigh at his own helplessness to ease away that pain from her eyes.

He sat next to her and handed her the drink. She stared at him blankly. He explained," please drink something I know you haven't had a morsel of food the entire day and for the past 3 or 4 days only a few cups of coffees and a bite or two of the sandwiches and bear claws which I brought and gave you and that too just satisfy me that you have eaten and then threw those away when I turned my eye for a moment or two." He gave her an ' I know you quite well you know' sigh. She tried to smile but couldn't successfully.

His heart broke at her misery but there was nothing he could do except offer her some comfort so he moved closer to her and wound his arms around her. This time she didn't resist his comfort… she was tired of pretending she was strong. She held the cup he gave her and was staring at the melting marshmallows and suddenly all her memories came flooding back to her.

The childish fights she used to have with her mom to give her a few more of them to put in her hot chocolate and her mother telling her she had such a huge sweet tooth and that if she keeps eating like that all her teeth would be decayed soon. And she used to puff her cheeks and sit under the stairs angrily when after a few moments her dad would sneak in and hand her a few more of them and they both would sit under the stairs and drink their hot chocolate secretly. Only many years later she came to know that it was her mother who had sent her father there to pacify her with those extra sweets as she had her reputation as a strict mother to maintain where in fact she was such a softie at heart who couldn't bear to see a tear on her daughter's face.

Thinking all this she started to sob again… Castle couldn't understand what happened so suddenly that she was back to her previous state. But he gently held her close till she was calm again. He wanted to hear what she was thinking, but was afraid to ask that she will become rigid again so he remained silent.

But she spoke this time, she wanted to share all this with somebody, somebody who would simply listen and not judge her. Somehow she felt that somebody could be Castle. She told him about that incident and many more of the sweet little memories of her mom. Today she can bravely reminisce about those memories at last, after years of angst and guilt at not being able to find the person who killed her mom. Today she had at last achieved that...Peace

Later after staying like that for few hours, they both had fallen asleep in the same position. Suddenly Castle realized where he was and saw that Kate was sleeping peacefully in his arms. He loved the sight but he knew in the morning she would be really hurting so he decided to wake her. He gently called her name, but she didn't respond. So he decided that he would carry her into her bedroom. He gently carried her in and mid way she woke up and stared at him not exactly understanding what was happening. He explained," I m just going to place you in your bed. And I will be sleeping on the couch." He felt the need to add the last part just in case she doubted his intentions. She simply closed her eyes again in his arms.

He smiled and placed her on her bed. That is when he realized that she was still fully dressed including her shoes. He gently touched her cheeks brushing off the stray hairs falling onto her face and spoke gently," Kate, don't you want to change your dress? If you want I can look and find a tee-shirt and sweatpants from the cupboard for you." She simply mumbled something like," mmm no… I'm not giving you a chance to peek into my closet Castle, just lemme sleep".

He smiled at her and shook his head. He then went on to remove her shoes and just said," ok, at least remove the jacket. I will help you. Otherwise it's gonna poke you when you twist and turn in sleep… Now come on Kate, be a good girl". What he said might have seemed bad in some other sense, some other day, some other situation but today he was almost in his parental mode, and that certainly had always been his best mode. So she gently moved to the side so he could remove her jacket and then he tucked her lovingly into her bed.

Just when he was leaving she caught his hand and asked him not to leave her alone. He was taken aback by her frankness. He felt sad thinking how much this must be affecting her to make her ask something like this, which for someone else would be a normal thing… but she was Beckett, with an iron will, which nothing in this world could ever break and yet here she was, so fragile, so vulnerable. He felt tears blurring his vision, but he gently took her hands and held them.

He removed his jacket and slid into her bed. But instead of lying next to her he pulled the pillow behind him and sat leaning on the headboard and pulled her onto his lap so that she was resting her head on his chest. He sat there in that not so comfortable position caressing her tresses, comforting her and fell asleep after sometime. It was really late in the night or let's says very early morning when both fell in a completely calm sleep.

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Hope it wasn't so bad, even though I know it is quite a depressing story... But will post the next part soon which will mostly deal with next morning and hopefully it will be a lot less depressing. And yeah ,sorry for any mistakes. :)

Now some reviews please... :)


	2. Her thoughts

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**:

This chapter is mostly about Beckett's thoughts and since I had thought of this story before 3x12 , Castle and Gina are still a couple. So I'm labeling this story as 'Alternate Universe' as neither the circumstance for kiss nor the aftermath are the same.

B**eta reader** : Beckett NYPD. Thanks for taking time for betay-ing it for me. :)

**Disclaimer :** Do not own anything related to Castle.

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_**Back to the present:**_

She having now remembered the whole scenario of yesterday, was quite a bit embarrassed about what was the right thing to do after a string of blunders she had made yesterday. Suddenly a thought struck her and she turned to look to see if Castle was still there somewhere. But thankfully he wasn't, so she decided the first best thing she could do was to get freshened up and drink that steaming cup of coffee she needed so badly to clear her head and think about her next course of action…she hadn't even called the precinct to check what happened after she left, that was so unlike her.

She entered the shower with what one would call a heavy mind. She needed to clear it out before she could face the world. Even though she could say that she doesn't care what the world thinks about her…she does care about what the people, whom she cares about, think about her. Somewhere unknowingly Richard Castle had seeped into the top of that list. And once the Castle thought started playing her mind there was no end to it…it was always an emotional roller coaster when she thought about him. This happened more than she would ever acknowledge. Today was just a little more complicated, that's all.

She let the warm water wash away all the physical tiredness and exhaustion off her body wishing if only it would wash away her worries too. But of course no such luck… the only way to get rid of a nagging thought is to think more about it and find a solution, ironical…but true.

The first thought which came to her mind was the kiss. She didn't want to dwell on the facts of how good it was, because already she had a handful of problems she surely didn't want to add this new dimension to it. But she wasn't ungrateful either to acknowledge the fact that how much that Kiss made her feel safe and loved. She needed that human touch at that moment to ensure her sanity and she was thankful to Castle for that without expecting anything in return.

She had no idea as to what he thought of yesterday's kiss. But she needed to tell him that it was a moment of emotional weakness and that he shouldn't read too much into that. But somewhere in her heart she felt like a selfish hypocrite to think that. Would she have let someone else kiss her like that yesterday? And she even asked him to stay near her just for her comfort and he did so without a second thought. Would she have asked someone else to do that for her ? And more importantly would somebody else do everything that he did yesterday or what he has been doing for all these days? She really didn't have an answer to that or to say more truthfully... she didn't want to know the answer.

She was a guarded person who seldom let people into her fortress. Very few had crossed into it and everyone who enters, is etched forever in it. And sadly when they leave, they inadvertently leave an empty shell in that place. It's easy for them to go but it was much harder for her to forget. All those who entered it were irreplaceable. 'But was she in theirs?' was the ever lingering question in her heart…

She had let him in about a year ago and was ready to give it a chance. After all she was a cop, she was ready to take the chance if she needed to. She thought about what she might have said if she did have the chance to complete the conversation that day, last summer.

"Castle, I know I'm not the easiest person to work with but I want you to know I really appreciate your assistance... What I'm trying to say is… I thought…umm well may be if you still want me to come to the Hamptons with you … I'm free this weekend. "

He would have jumped in joy and she would have continued," Castle! Now don't get over excited! You are not getting lucky, if you know what I mean, understand! "(She would roll her eyes still trying to hide her happiness of how much just a 'YES' from her could make him happy.) She wanted to give him a chance… more appropriately give THEM a chance. She didn't know where it would have led her but she was ready to take the leap of faith.

Then suddenly she came back to reality as cold water hit her like a bolt of lighting. (She had turned the hot water off in her trance.) And reality was nowhere near the happy picture she just painted. He had left her, left with his ex-wife hanging onto his arms, left her standing there alone in front of the whole precinct who were watching her with those pitiful eyes. From somewhere inside all the pent up anger surfaced thinking how he had fled when life threw him a curve ball that was too much to handle... and that too with his ex.

' I mean ex? Seriously? Don't people become somebody's ex for a reason? And the way he had mentioned Gina, he never seemed to like her much and just because she wasn't ready to go with him, he finds even his despicable ex-wife so much more interesting?' She thought spitefully.

What did it take? A day? It just took him one day to find her replacement! Was she that expendable in his life? When he seemed to be almost irreplaceable in her life … She just stood there in the cold shower thinking this for some time until a thought struck her.(she turned the hot water back on)

'But he is back in my life. How did that happen? Oh yes, it was me who had let him back in. Why do I always do that? Why do I always forgive him for all the grave crimes he commits? He poked and prodded into my mom's case when he knew how much it would hurt me… and yet he did … and the worse part was that that all it took to come back into my life was a sincere 'I'm so sorry' and I melted! When did the tough shell Beckett fall for something like that?

And then again when he had left me standing there crying... yeah I know I wouldn't even admit that to myself but he did break my heart that day, and I still accepted him back into my life. I had to falsely lose in a bet to let him win! When did I start doing such things? Seriously he does peel more layers of the Beckett onion, which even I didn't know even existed in me.'

She smiled as the warm water warmed her heart comfortingly. But the question was, was she ready to take that chance again with him? To put her heart out again in front of him not knowing whether he would relish it or plainly reject it. Even though she knew the answer, the fear of again being shown that she was expendable…so easily replaced …stopped her thoughts right there.

It's only after all this that for the first time in 2 whole days that the name of Josh crept into her mind. She was somewhat disturbed by that revelation. After all he was her current boyfriend and all she could think was of Castle uptill now. Somewhere she realized how wrong that sounded. It was not right for her to kiss Castle and keep thinking about that kiss when she was still committed to Josh. He was a fabulous person, and he didn't deserve that.

Josh was out of the city as he had to attend an annual cardiologists and cardio-thoracic surgeon's conference in another state and was scheduled to return in another 2 days as it was a 5-day conference.

She couldn't decide as to whether end this relationship with him or give it another chance. She didn't want to think of him just as some random rebound guy. He was a great person and had all the qualities which would impress any girl, but he also had that extra something which could impress the extra-ordinary Beckett heart too, which was no mean feat in itself.

After all she still was not sure about anything Castle. He was already in a relationship and even if not, can she trust him for that, 'forever' …? Last time she took a chance and all she had ended up with was two broken hearts. It was no fault of Demming either, but she had dumped him suddenly without any prior warning. Some days back in those lonely summer nights she felt that she deserved what happened to her to dump him like that. No one deserved that, right? Even though she knew it was the right thing to do…but still…

So no matter what happens this time, she wouldn't do that to Josh. Not this time. This time she won't be selfish. She would give him that chance which he surely deserved. After all if they weren't meant to be, the relationship would come to an end by itself. She thought that this might not be the wisest or the right thing to do… but it was something she had to do. Everybody deserved another chance. At least this is what she convinced herself to do.

By now she was out of the bathroom and dried herself, when she heard some noise coming from the living room. Not waiting to change into her work clothes, she caught hold of a robe she could find and started searching for her gun and cell phone and realized that both were in the living room! She started to panic but her cop instincts kicked in and she immediately took what she thought was the heaviest object in her room – a solid flower vase which she thought if necessary would surely make at least a crack in any cranium provided the intruder didn't aim her own gun at her. So armed with her weapon, she treaded as stealthily as a cat to attack the intruder.

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Oohhhh I know many of you wanna murder me for this! But well I promise next chapter will be better to save you from a homicide charge. *hehe*

But yeah they won't become girlfriend and boyfriend all of a sudden and Josh won't just disappear into thin air * nice wishful thinking* but well a lot of other expected and unexpected things can happen. ;)

Now hmmm may I still dare to ask for reviews please ?


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